Why is the word HOT! Spinning? That's pretty weird. Anyways, there sure is a lot of crap out there! Lucky for you, I have no social life and do nothing but watch movies all day! Here are some of the movies I have seen:

John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars

Imagine that you are the product of inbreeding. And not only are you inbred, but you are also retarded. Then, your mother drops you as a baby, and you have brain damage. Then, after all that, you decide to do acid and you never seem to come out of it. Now you want to write a movie. This would be that movie.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin

If I am ever in hell, this is the movie it will be showing. And for all of you people who were wondering when Hollywood was going to make a film about a soldier during war time, a woman, and a MANDOLIN, your prayers have been answered. Somebody kill me.

Hardball

Keanu Reeves plays a dumb surfer guy who takes over a little league team with all African-American kids. Where the hell is Matrix 2? Keanu, why do you think we would ever want to see you in anything that involved... what's that called again? Oh yeah, ACTING. Watching you try to act is like watching a gazelle try to run away after it's legs have already been ripped off by the cheetah.

Planet of the Apes

I have invented the worst drinking game ever created with this movie. Every time you see an ape, you have to drink. You will be dead by the end of the movie.

The Musketeer

I'm glad that a new "3 Musketeers" movie comes out ever other year. And let me tell you why. Because I am a gigantic fucking idiot. I had a friend who told me he actually saw this movie and enjoyed it. He started to explain why he thought it was good, but then the nurse came in and had to change his bedpan.

Zoolander

I haven't seen it. but my friend saw it, and he thinks that "Ben Stiller is much funnier than this movie can provide." That's what he said to me. What the hell is that supposed to mean?